Tales from the Firing Line- Stupid Questions are STUPID

Stupid Questions.
We've all heard them come from tourists, in fact tourists are the number one source for all amusement of employees. The dumb questions we've all been asked simply have no limits! I'm sure you've all heard the joke about "What time is the 3 O'Clock Parade?" right?

Well folks, I'm here to tell you. Those kinds of questions really DO happen!
So I'm going share with you some of my personal favorite stupid questions that I've not only been asked myself while a theme park employee, but some of the best of what I've heard with my own two ears while visiting parks... followed by my own personal (and highly sarcastic)answers. So with that, let us begin!

Now to understand most of these, which nearly all come from the Orlando Area theme parks you'll have to know the basics about these parks. Such as location and rides to fully understand many of these.. if you have questions, I suppose I can explain them to you. 

NOTE: Sarcastic remarks are my own and where never said to guests, this is simply the things that run threw my mind when hearing or being asked a very special stupid question!


1. What time is the 3 O'Clock Parade?
-It's at 4:15.

2. Where are the bathrooms? (While standing in front of a large sign saying "RESTROOMS")
-We don't have those here.

3. Why can't I go on JAWS? I'm at Magic Kingdom!
-You Dipshit. That's at Universal, This is Disney.

4. Aren't Disney and Universal the same?
-Please leave my sight before I maim you.

5. Will this monorail take me to Seaworld?
-Sure! Jump in the lake!

6. Is this a ride?
-No, we only say that to confuse you.

7. Is that a real shark?
-No, it's a blow-up doll.

8. Do I have to wait in this line?
-No, your far to special to wait in line.

9. Why is it raining?
-Because that's what happens everyday in Orlando between 2-6pm!

10. Can't you make it stop raining?
-Sure, I'll get right on that weather shield technology!

11. Where did I park my car?
-Texas.

12. Does this roller coaster go upside down?
-Did you even LOOK at the ride?!

13. How many people are in the Sealion Suit?
(Please Read "The Sealion Suit Scandal")
- Two.

14.  Can I use this discount card?
-No, you have to pay double!

15.  Can I use my 'Disney Dollars' here?
-Yes, but that costs double too!

16. How many Tickets do I have to buy?
- 3,259!

17. Is this ride open?
-No, I thought I'd stand in the burning sun in front of this giant line, wearing polyester for fun!

18.  Do you work here?
-No. I just wear tacky fish-printed shirts to confuse you!

19.  Will I get wet?
-No, it's called SPLASH MOUNTAIN for no reason!

20. What are these "Hidden Mickeys"?
-Donald Duck.

21.  What are the 'Turkey Legs' really made of?
-Human Children, We're low. Can we use yours next?!

22.  Is that big 'Golf Ball' a hotel?
-Yes, let me book you a reservation!

23.  Is Shamu really a boy?
-No, she's a Enuch!

24.  Is Walt Disney's head REALLY frozen under the park?
-Yes, we all say "Good Morning" to it everyday!

25. Can you watch my kid so I can go on "ride"?
-Can I eat them?! 

.....and I give you one I didn't hear myself but still makes me laugh!
"I heard the first male to get pregnant will inherit Disney World, Is that true?!"